(You know the term baggage?) So naturally, as a form of self protection, we develop ways to ensure that we keep these parts of ourselves hidden-from others and often to ourselves. Exposing them could put us at risk for humiliation, rejection and self loathing.
And these feelings embed themselves in our psyches and create heavy emotional loads to carry around with us. Unlike guilt, the implication of shame is that you or parts of you are fundamentally flawed, bad, or unacceptable. Guilt is a feeling related to one’s behavior and shame relates to one’s character, who you are as a person. Essentially, shame is the antidote to intrinsic motivation!įirst, let’s talk about the difference between shame and what it’s often mistaken for, guilt. Much to our chagrin, even if it seems effective in the short term, it is destructive in the long term. Unfortunately it’s become a misguided and regularly used strategy by parents, teachers, coaches-even in our self talk-you name it. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that shame is an effective motivator- since shame cuts to the core, the underlying hope is an individual will intensify their efforts so as to avoid the feeling. How many times have you asked your teenager this question? How many times were you asked this question as a teenager? This simple, seemingly innocuous question can be more harmful than actually motivational, not least because it may be interpreted (and likely intended) to imply laziness.
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